Among new parents, there is often the discussion as to the ideal spacing in planning for their children...would often hear some of this when teaching parenting classes or among some groups in marriage prep classes. Consideration is given to parent energy level, career time off and compatibility of siblings, developmental stages, such as when they will be in school together and parental age when the final one is launched…do we have all two or three spaced a year or 18 months apart and get the diaper stage, breast feeding, sleepless nights done within a few years? Do we wait until the first is into kindergarten before the next one and have time to spend with each and perhaps return to work for a year or two in the interim? When the newborn is brought home how do we deal with potential jealousy or dependency needs of the toddler? Ideally, the spacing of three years apart allows the oldest to be relatively secure in his/her own identity and 6 years or more apart often means raising them with characteristics of only or first-born children, as the two will be in different school stages.

New parents often ask “How can we treat each child equally?” and/ or get into the cycle of trying to do or buy for one exactly what they do for the next…. how many sets of Tonka trucks, Barbie outfits, Dora lunch kits or toy mobile phone or talking Elmo’s are you going to invest in? When my girls were pre-schoolers, it was Cabbage Patch dolls and in my frugality, I decided to make them, instead of buying and so, one Christmas the dolls arrived and the next, all the clothes arrived including blue velvet lace dresses finally completed at 3 AM Christmas Eve morning. In retrospect, my thoughts are that one can never treat your children equally or identically, but one can treat them individually and with respect to each of their personalities….as each child has different personalities, temperaments, learning abilities etc. and as parents, you are a different person with each of the children, because of when they arrive in your life journey…the first is the “experiment” with many photo albums and we are over cautious and the last we are often much more relaxed and perhaps more financially secure.

Each family has their own plan (and in many previous generations planning was not an option)…in one family on my dad’s side all four boys were exactly 5 years apart, all four boy cousins and another family I know with three under aged six years, the large pull plastic wagon works well for both toting kids and/or Saturday morning shopping at the market. Had another discussion this morning at church during coffee about launching into parenting again in mid-40s when the youngest is almost in teens.

Many young couples will experiment with a new puppy or a kitten and more than anything discover a fair bit about their own couple relationship…who is going to obedience class or who is going to clean the litter box? “Well he is YOUR dog!”….ever hear the refrain from a frustrated stay-at-home parent,  “She is your child too and you are offering to “ babysit”!

So why my particular diatribe today? With the new puppy, Nanuq and jealousy at times by Dysis, I feel like I am parenting again and wonder if in my 50s, I have the energy, wisdom and patience…oh they look so peaceful stretched out asleep at my feet as I write… can these be the same two that squabble over the same chewy bone ( note the tennis ball in the center ) or sleeping place, but romp together wildly in the ravine and the older one get protective and snarly when another strange dog approaches the younger one!