December 13, 2009
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON
You may have seen this already in your email but thought hilarious and true...so why do I leave my car in the garage...
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehiclefirst at the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram thefirst vehicle through the intersection.
8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton.Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and more construction starts everyday.
9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, Capilano Drive, 75 Street and 66 Street are also the same road.
Got it?
11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been
'accidentally activated.'
12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is virtually non-existent unti lthe spring thaw. You also may run out of gas waiting in Tim's drive thru.
14. Turning left for the first three seconds of a red light is mandatory!For those of you living in or around Edmonton, you know most of these rules are unfortunately true.
For those of you who may visit (summer time is best--most of the snow is gone), be prepared...
For those of you living in Nunavut, you either walk, have neighbours who will help dig you out or not much to worry about as the 7 KMs of roads well plowed lead to the airport, water lake or landfill....
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