October 2, 2012

• Celebrating Two Daughters....

   

  It has been quite an emotional week. I am sharing the events of it here of a wedding and a death because I know many in the xanga community have also faced life and death situations, joys and challenges within their own families or close friends. It is my hope that you will find some encouragement, peace and solace in knowing that your own experiences are not isolated or solitary....the following is a combination of several friends and family.

  Our family has been looking forward for many months to the celebration for our youngest daughter, Amelia, 29, as she wed her chosen Sean, last Friday and Saturday in Vancouver. Much anticipation of the joy and celebration as many came from near and far.

  It was a fabulous wedding weekend including:

  • After the makeup and hair  early in the afternoon family and the bridal party met at a coffee shop for a unique encounter between bride and groom.
  • Friday night Nuptial High Mass with all the smell and bells...A great service followed by a reception with friends and family in the church hall.
  • On Saturday, potluck with more friends and family took place in Port Moody Old Mill Boathouse where Amelia and 3 others from her WVU rowing team donned their spandex, borrowed a shell for 4, and went for a row.Amelia and former  rowing team mates went out for a row.. had WVU in Morgantown West Virginia on a rowing scholarship for 4 years....primarily on an 8 woman team (2005) Strong friendships were built and four of her team mates were able to come to the wedding....so they went rowing together again.

  But with this joyous news, we also had to share some very sad news with the sudden passing of our oldest daughter, Shaunnie Rebecca, 31, on Sunday morning, the 23rd in her sleep. If you had ever met Rebecca, she had a vibrant, strong willed, and creative personality.  She has also lived with mental illness for at least 10 years, and this past summer was particularly difficult.  Her death was unexpected, and brings grieving to our family.

  Only 25 months apart, Amelia  and Rebecca  were as younger siblings,  each other's constant companions, sometimes best buds and other times not. Both pursued sports ( one year between bingos and driving for soccer, swimming and downhill ski racing we were very busy!!) and university. Rebecca was very talented in fashion design, in Human Ecology, & on her own, putting on a modelling show several years ago at the Edmonton Armoury and when about 8, made Amelia lie down on brown paper to trace an outline for sewing a princess dress. Pioneer Ranch Camps has also played an important part with both young women from Amelia's involvement with Senior Girls to Rebeccas time as staff at Sundre, life guarding for junior camps. She was a focused hard worker, working to meet deadlines with her University and personal projects in the face of paralyzing adversity. Honest, she did not held back the embarrassing elements in her struggles to grapple with life’s issues...resource to youth and the inner city folk who found themselves in difficult circumstances.Words to describe her: Determined, Honest, Funny, Hurtin’ and Searching.

   

  On Sunday the 30th, we had our second service, a Requiem Mass  for our eldest daughter Shaunnie Rebecca. We, friends and family, celebrated her life this afternoon; In this, we also remembered our eldest son and his young family.After the service, we did a typical Rebecca thing.... we went to a local pub by the church, had a couple of pitchers of beer, told stories, traded fond memories, and had some laughs before we went on our international and interprovincial ways.

  Is the grieving and celebration process over? No it has really only just begun.

  I personally struggle with my role as a mother of an adult daughter with mental illness and my professional role as a social worker who has worked in the field.Maintaining the boundaries between the personal and the professional is not easily done On both sides of the family, we each have a sister with a history of mental illness, who as adults were very dependent on their elderly mothers and this was a pattern I was determined to break. In recent months, I had to step back my involvement and contact with Rebecca while she was in treatment, and now she is gone! Was that the right decision? Did she know how much I loved her but could not cope with some of the other stresses?
  

  The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams was a favorite children's book and Amelia chose this passage to honour her sister...
  

  " Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. " It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long.long tim, not just to play with,but REALY loves you then you become real".
  

  " Does it hurt? " asked the Rabbit
  

  " Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always being truthful. "when you are real you don't mind being hurt".
  

   

   

   

  • 9:05 pm
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